Before starting the process of writing an Impact Statement I looked up what an impact statement is for a victim of a crime. What I read was so good and really helped me to process and express my pain. Here is the definition:

“An impact statement allows a victim a sense of empowerment by using their voice in a way that makes a difference. It helps them to make sure that their pain isn’t going to be ignored - that what happened to them mattered; it won’t be forgotten, and if they have to face living with the impact, then the offender has to face hearing about it. It shows the big, obvious impacts, but also highlights the tiny, nuanced ones, those that might otherwise be overlooked, those that color the ways they have been affected.”

For me, going through the hard work of writing my personal impact statement was 100% worth it. It was a long, grievous process, but it was what God used to empower and validate me, my feelings, and my pain. It was the place where I could use my voice, that had been controlled, dismissed or ignored, to actually share my story in the way in which I needed to tell it - my reality - while he was living his own different reality. I feel like it is a work of art, a masterpiece. It is actually my heart on paper, and it is a sacred thing.

God used my impact statement process to help me look at what I had to do, or stuff, or hide in order to accommodate my husband. Then, I was empowered to freely express what I will not tolerate moving forward, especially unacceptable or abusive behavior. I was also able to voice my needs, with a new expectation of them being heard and met - the very ones that were dismissed or not validated in the past. After I presented it, my husband’s coach said it was like I had given my husband a clear target to shoot for and how important that was for him.

As Jana was coaching me through its formation, she told me, “the idea is that your voice will make an impact now on what happens and that it will change your marriage.” His secret life and abuse, and then his full disclosure, had an impact on me and our marriage. I understand that my statement should, too. It occurred to me that it is like a mathematical equation. The outcome will not change if the factors remain the same, but if my statement changes one of the factors, it will change the result. Hopefully it will change my life and marriage for the better.

At the end of reading my many page impact statement, I told my husband, “ This impact statement is a gift. It is a gift that God has given to me to be able to use my voice, to feel my emotions, to grieve, to let go and to heal. It is also a gift to you(my husband.) It is the real me so that you can really see me, and acknowledge me, and learn to see the value in me that I already know I have as a daughter of God. And as you grieve with me for all that was lost or damaged, this gift will be instrumental to your healing as well, and I pray that we can have the marriage God and both of us really long to have.”

I have included access to my opening and closing statement for my personal impact if you would like to see it. God bless you on this journey of healing. It is worth it - YOU are worth it!