JANUARY 20, 2023
When disaster strikes, life as we know it gets derailed. When that disaster hits home, the impact is overwhelming and impossible to prepare for fully. After the news of betrayal hit my marriage, my heart was devastated. Not once, but over and over again, it was deeply shocking and, it ripped apart the walls of security and beauty that had been carefully designed and relied upon in my inner world. It was like hallways, once filled with pictures of relationship, family, and our best memories, had suddenly been torn down by the raging winds of a storm! And how does one even begin to collect it all again and put it all back together? The efforts to do so seem so futile! And worse than that, are the lonely hours of toil and pain that went into trying. Still, when disaster strikes, life must find a way to go on. Temporary walls are constructed to make life work, and this is where it gets tricky, for disaster always leads to consequences! There is a high cost to pay when the damage is so great!
“Trauma” is often described as the real or perceived threat one faces as a result of deeply disturbing events or catastrophe. What was once right-side-up is now turned upside down and efforts to find safety from destruction or total loss are never met with answers. Painful images now plaster themselves across the corridors of my “home.” They were unwelcomed and unwanted. As with all disasters, they come without invitation and without warning.
When relational disaster strikes and we are deeply shocked or wounded, the brain responds in extraordinary ways to identify the danger and keep us safe. While our brains can more readily sustain temporary or short-lived danger, long-term trauma that keeps persisting despite repeated efforts to seek relief, is devastating to every part of our being. Our bodies kick into overdrive and enter into a constant state of looking around for more storms and more damage, plotting and planning the best escape and stocking up for the painful attack that likely will occur next. Sentimental memories are taken down and stored away carefully, all in an effort to keep safe what we desperately don’t want to see destroyed – and likely what we think we cannot live without.
Disaster. It is disaster in every way. The damage caused by the initial storm is sometimes nothing in comparison to the damage that continues for years as a now traumatized mind and heart seeks relief from threat and recovery from loss. And here’s the secret: no one can understand that loss except the one from whom it was stolen! Intimate disaster strikes the heart of a home so bathed in beauty and peace, and now leaves it in shambles, with no one to help restore it once again. When disaster strikes a home, life changes for sure. Who will help us pick up the pieces and take the chances on trusting life at home once again? If mere restoration can happen and security re-found some day, perhaps we would seek it out over time. But if the life on the other side were better than before and more than we thought possible, perhaps we could at last gather our courage and set out on a journey to find what we had been longing for all along!
Disaster Strikes at Home
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